It turns out that narcissism has never been that handy in a pinch.

 I don't know about y'all, but we seem to be in a place where narcissistic behavior is increasingly present and heck, even rewarded for its existence these days.  Let's see how Webster's defines narcissism first. 

 

That adorable kid says that narcissism is defined as a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others.  

Sound like anyone you know?  

This unfortunate mindset seems to be abundant if not outright dominant in the world today.  I know in my life I've seen it in arrogant bandmates (over and over and over),  to my former pastor here in La Porte, to coworkers that don't understand that a rising tide lifts all boats.  And just this past week, we've sadly seen narcissism displayed on a national level when the President depicted himself as a Christ like figure (not a doctor!) on social media, then the Vice President told (popesplained?)  the Pope that he should "be careful" when talking about theology, and finally when the Secretary of Defense preceded a prayer with a quote from Pulp Fiction that he appears to not know (or possibly not care?) that it deviated immensely from Ezekiel 25:17.  Say what? 

Calm down, Jules.  

So I have questions.  Is narcissism actually on the rise, or do we just notice it more?  I hope it's the latter. We certainly can't afford to keep ignoring it, regardless of the prevalence.  Narcissism isn't funny, it's not smart, and it's definitely not strength. These people are bullies that are terrified that others will see their weakness. We can't let them dictate that narrative.    

Also, why do narcissists seemingly tend to gravitate towards positions of service?  Teachers, pastors, public servants (congressmen, presidents, etc)...they seem to be the a hotbed of this childish behavior.  I have a theory on it.  These folks want to prove to themselves and everyone else that they're really not so bad. The problem is, they have no idea how to make themselves appear selfless and they just make their lives more miserable in the process. Not to mention the damage in their respective communities. 

We pray, we vote, and we model Christlikeness at all times.  These folks need help, and they need kindness more than ever.  Let's do our part.  

Say what you need to say. It's vital.

 Our little family/clan/gang/posse is reeling right now.  Our main patriarch, Dan Chappell, has gone on to be with THE patriarch.  For those who don't know, Dan was my wife's father and is quite simply the most extraordinary person I have ever known.  He was a brilliant man from the same industry that I work in (oil and gas) and he has seen and done so many things in the business world that I will probably never get the opportunity to be a part of.  He was a fountain of professional experience and lived an incredibly varied and successful business life.  

But that's not the important thing.  Dan is both the wisest and kindest person I have ever known.  I've been with him on some of the worst days of his life...deaths in the family, hurricanes, illnesses...you name it.  And this man always lit up when he saw you.  Dan LOVED people. He poured himself into others, gave and gave in every way he could, and prayed constantly for others.  Dan chased after the will of God every single moment I knew him for thirty years, and that went way before that too.  God changed his life early on, and he became a powerful force of love and kindness to everyone he encountered.  

Dan left here with a legacy of kindness and a gentle spirit.  Oh, how we need that now more than ever.  And probably the best way I can honor his legacy is to pick up that baton and run with it.  Believers, we have to be different.  And I've seen first hand that it can be done.  How amazing is that?  

And we've sniffled, openly sobbed, painfully reminisced, and have laughed at the awesome and hilarious stories we've thankfully had a part in.  It's hard to write this without breaking down all over again because I'm only human.  This will hurt for a long time because, folks...I am desperately going to miss my friend and mentor.  He and Alice sure changed my life with how they love me and my little family.  This sucks, and I don't know how to manage this yet.  

But you know what has really helped so far?  There was closure. There was nothing we needed to say to other that hadn't already been said. He texted me on September 28 and told me how glad he was that Katie met me (me too!) and that God has been so good to all of us.  He told me that he and Alice were proud of me and that they loved me very much.  "You may technically be our son-in-law, but we love you like a son."  And we talked more after that.  So glad we did.  Dan has gone on to his great reward as a good and faithful servant, and we are here still. But you know what?  I will see my friend again, and we'll pick up where we left off.  Thank God. 

Say what you need to say, y'all.  Even John Mayer gets that. 

2023: A year in review and renew.

 2023 brought a series of circumstances to me that I did not see coming.  That's probably due to my lack of precognitive mutant ability, but whatever. This past year I had to learn to roll with them punches in ways in which I was totally unprepared to do so. More on that shortly.  

My family is safe and healthy and our needs continue to be met, and I'm thankful for that.  God has been so good to us. However,  my stepfather passed away this year, but I'm thankful for who he was and for how he gave to others for his whole life.  That's something to strive towards--increasing generosity is a great goal for next year. 

What has been the real struggle for me has been the effects of leaving a place that I had served dutifully and faithfully in worship and sacrifice for 26 years.  It was very difficult to leave the establishment that I had brought my kids to learn about Christ for so long, and to put aside all of the work I had put into the worship environment there.  But faced with the alarming paucity of integrity and accountability that has been damaging the leadership for years, it was a simple and clear choice to pull up our roots and seek new beginnings and a place of service.  

I didn't want to leave.  I wanted to stay and be part of the solution. But it became clear that was not going to happen.  It was tough not to be bitter, because...

Just kidding.  But resentment is a real thing to avoid. 

So I wait.  I trust, I obey, and I wait.  And I do this while continuing to seek the best path for my family for a church home.  Psalms 37:7 tells us to be still before the Lord and wait PATIENTLY.  Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  So God's got our backs.  We trust, we listen, we learn, we wait, and we grow.  I legit cannot wait to see what 2024 brings.  Let's go!

Why I'm not saying good riddance to the worst year of my life and how David Lee Roth lent a hand.

 So, 2020 24 hours to go. (I wanna be sedated...)  This year we saw a global pandemic that has taken 1.8 million lives and has grounded our businesses to a trickle, not to mention racial strife and mistrust among our fellow Americans splitting our country due to so many compounded injustices and perceptions.  Politics has sunk to a new low as many Americans seem emboldened to show you just how much they don't care about anyone else whatsoever.  Our entitlement is showing, and it's an ugly self portrait. 

So yes--get lost 2020!  We need 2021 to be our fresh start, right?  (Pandemics don't have calendars, though)  But I'm really trying not to be negative here.  That won't help.   I want to reflect and be thankful on the good.  My family is healthy and safe, we're both still working, and our needs continue to be met.   I have friends who lost some and even all of these things this year.  

So much loss this year.  A couple of months ago, my sweet mother passed away after a long struggle with an illness.  I had to shut down that whole corner of my life that has been closing for years now.  I have very little in the way of ties to my hometown and have fewer and fewer seasonal phone calls to make now.  I still pick up the phone to call her out of habit, and I wonder when that will stop happening. Do I want that to stop happening? 

So what I am thankful for then?  The thing that comes easily to mind for me is that I got to say goodbye to her.  I was able to leave work long enough to sit by her bedside for almost a week and lead her in worship once more time.  I got to leave it all on the table for her, and I was able to get a measure of closure in knowing I was saying goodbye.  I didn't get that when my father passed, and the gift I had in precious time with her is something completely priceless and timeless to me.  Folks, say what you need to say.  It's vital.  It's imperative. It's good!

We are only given so much time and we can whine about zoom meetings and leftovers and lost time at the bar, or we can fire up the smoker, put on a record, or just create something.  (working on that)  We get what we get, and we don't throw a fit.  The kids might have heard that a few thousand times now. 

Life is finite, and perhaps that's part of what gives it meaning. It's flying by, and bad things are built into this broken world.  Don't let the good stuff get covered up by the drama and noise from the events of the days. Claim the good and recognize it when it comes. And cling tightly to sweet memories and good times, because folks- life is a vapor.  As fellow great American and poet David Lee Roth sang in the last Van Halen record where he really tried to sing well, 

"Better keep that in mind 

When we say our goodbyes

'Cause you can't get this stuff no more."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HHQ11HOZwM

(That's the song)

Small acts of kindness.

Waaaay back in Bossier City, Louisiana era 1983-ish, I was a 12 or 13 year old annoying kid that was always hanging around Waller Baptist Church. One Sunday night at church, we had a traveling praise group come through and do a concert.  This was an extremely rare occurrence, since our church was so very, very conservative and rarely had visiting musicians/vocalists/groups from elsewhere perform.  Especially young people with (gasp!) electric guitars and drums, which are of course, pure evil from the pits of Dallas.

I was always fascinated with the electric guitar and the bands I had heard up to that point, but it seemed to be something other kids did in big cities and such. Guitars were something I occasionally saw and marveled at, because it seemed like such a unique way to express yourself and it symbolized freedom in some way to me. Maybe a bit of fun as well.  

So this praise group played, and I don't remember anything about the music or anything else.  I had no idea if they were any good, or if they were well received by our church.  From what I remember about Waller, probably not accepted too well if they didn't close with "The Family of God", as that church did every single Sunday. Yay tradition.

It was something different, so I hung around afterwards to see what specific, magical, cool things you needed to play guitar; stuff like a guitar, and a cable, and amp, and whatever else I'd need if I ever got the chance to play one.  But I kept my distance, as I was too shy to actually talk to anyone or be a possible annoyance.

But the guitar player for the group noticed me hanging around, and he asked me how I liked the music.  I don't remember any of the conversation or details of it, but it was probably a very short discussion, as I typically had little to add to a conversation at the time.  But for some reason, this annoying kid did not annoy this gentlemen, who was probably 25-27 years old (you know, an old guy). We talked for a few minutes and before I rushed home on my skateboard, he yelled "Hey kid, I got something for you here."  He ran back to his stage setup where he'd been playing and came back with a couple of worn cables, some picks, and a bright orange MXR Phase 90 pedal. He told me, "Can you use these whenever you do start playing?  They might help you get going."  I said something like "Gee, thanks mister!" and raced home to put a 9 volt battery in a pedal that I couldn't hear, since I had no amp to hear it with.

The two cables and the picks he gave me have long since disintegrated and/or disappeared over the years, but I still have that (now extremely worn) MXR Phase 90, as seen in the accompanying picture.  This pedal does NOT make the most useful sound ever-think 70's funk or classic rock leads-but I'll tell you this much, I sure have found a use for it over the years.  This is my 35th year in playing music, and this little pedal has been there when I played for different bands, people's records, projects, and even nowadays; even though I really haven't done much at all musically in the last 15 years. Kids will do that to you.

So when that traveling minstrel dude paused and shared his time with this annoying kid, it changed the course of my life. I've been able to experience so many things and make so many memories, and I've seen lives change forever with a bird's eye when the Holy Spirit moves on people. I've been so blessed to see so much, and I kind of think it started that day.  God used him to kickstart me towards a love of music, and ultimately, a love of leading others in worship.

One of these days I'll be in paradise, walking around and taking in the sights.  And I know I'll run into that traveling minstrel eventually, even though I don't remember what he looks like and I'm sure he wouldn't remember me. And I'll be able to thank him for his kindness, his patience, and for his part in changing my life forever.

Limber up for some exercises in faith, y'all.

I was in Times Square in NYC on election night and will never, ever forget the experience.  The gravity of the situation and the up and down emotions from so many people from all walks of life was  really something to behold.

So what do I do?  Vote for the "lesser" of two evils, as so many have done before?  I figure evil is still evil at the end of the day, so I went with a third party candidate that I knew had no shot to win.  But I voted my conscience at least.

2016 was the first presidential election where I did not vote for one of the two major party candidates.   I just could not do it.  And I really, really tried to do so.  Hillary Clinton is a career politician with possibly a mountain of skeletons in her closet, along with a ton of confusing innuendo that I suspect is a lot of spin and much ado about nearly nothing. She is likely a continuation of the policies and mindset of the Obama administration, which has not been the disaster that I expected it would have been originally.  But I chose not to vote for her, mainly due to her stance regarding abortion.  I watched the DNC closely and was reminded that there are still some core values of the party that I simply cannot be a part of.  I refuse to have figurative blood on my hands as I press the vote button.

I have watched Donald Trump assume the head position in the Republican party in a very short period of time in a impressive display of sheer willpower and alpha male type of aggressiveness.  The GOP has shown me that there is a real dearth of leadership and backbone in the party that would allow an outsider with zero experience to come in and push aside the other candidates, some of whom seemed to be reasonable options initially.  This whole new iteration of the GOP has left me pretty cold in my trust of the party and I'm now questioning if they are who they say they are. This is no time for cowards or hypocrites. (I guess there's never really a GOOD time for that...)

I don't know much about Donald Trump other than that he's a rich guy who does reality TV.  I've never seen any of his shows and I really don't know much about him, other than what I hear and read.  And that's what disturbs me the most.  He's a wild card.  I don't trust him to do the right thing.  I have no idea if the man who argues with beauty pageant contestants on Twitter can pick wise Supreme Court justices, for example.  He seems to be an incredibly vain and petty person who doesn't appear to be humble, even tempered, or intelligent enough to be an effective leader of the free world.  There has been no sign of compassion or patience that comes from this man, and that frightens me.

But then, he's just a man.  Just as I have always done with prior presidents, I'll pray for him.  I'll pray for him specifically.  And not that he'll do the things that I want done or feel strongly about.  I'll pray for wisdom, courage, foresight, and most of all, love and compassion for the entire world as he begins the biggest journey of his life.  I don't put my faith in this man, and nor should you. But God has a plan for us all, even the most narcissistic of us. So I get to stretch my faith here, because for a long period of time now, God has shown a tendency to use the least of us to get things done.  Heck, he even uses me sometimes.

So no, I have no faith in Donald Trump right now.  But God does believe in him, and I'm learning how to do that one day at a time now.

The unintentional jerk.

Gather 'round, all ye readers, and hear (or read) this tale of high school love and the decisions we make in life. Many people have heard me tell this story over the last 20 years and I'm finally going to try to write it down. I hope it comes across on the page as well as it does verbally.

This is a story about a high school boy (me, duh) and a high school girl. To protect the innocent (and she is), let's just call her "Betty".

I was a sophomore at Bossier High School in 1987 and I had met Betty at a high school football game. She was a bubbly, friendly, very attractive blonde with a great laugh and a fantastic smile. Betty went to Northwood High School in Shreveport and I looked for any opportunity to see her at a game, or church, or any other school function. She was worth a drive across town for me.

See, that's where the problems started. I was 16 years old. I couldn't just go see her whenever I wanted, and that was pretty frustrating. I hadn't been driving very long, and my curfew and house rules kept Betty and I apart.

What was I to do? Keeping a "long distance relationship" is tough. This was probably only 20 miles away, but it may as well have been a thousand miles.

I didn't want to waste her time or mine any longer. Even though I adored her, I made a decision. The next time I talked to her, I would break it off. I decided to start thinking of what I would say.

I didn't have time to formulate a plan, since the phone just so happened to ring for me at that moment. Of course, it was indeed Betty.

She was not her usual effervescent self, however. I heard, "Hi, we need to talk."

Whoa, is she opting out on me? ON ME!?

Betty continued. "I think we need to break up."

I responded the only way that seemed right at the time. We both want the same thing, right? I said, "I agree, this is just too hard on us with school and responsibilities and stuff". "Have a great year, bye!" And I hung up and moved on with my sophomore year.

Flash-forward to 1993 and it's my first year of college at beautiful Louisiana Tech University. I'm walking across the quad area by the food court on a sunny spring day when I see an attractive brunette giving me the most evil eye I have ever seen and hope to never see again.

I have to find out who this is that despises me so much.

I went up to her and asked if I knew her from somewhere (I was such a playah) and she said I ought to. She said her name was Jughead (not her real name) and that she was Betty's friend from Northwood High School. I went, "Oh yeah, Betty! How's she doing anyway?"

I should have never said this.

Jughead told me that after I dumped Betty, she was devastated. She cried for weeks and it pretty much ruined her sophomore year of high school. Jughead told me what a horrible jerk I am and how cold I was to not even know what I did to her.

I said, "Wait, she called to dump me on the phone!" "I remember her doing that!" "It was a mutual break!"

Jughead said, "You moron, she was just kidding with you!" "How dense are you?" "Don't you own a calendar?"

"Betty was crazy about you. She was calling you on April Fool's Day!" It was a prank phone call!"

My bad. Betty, wherever you are, I am so sorry. I even have a calendar on my phone now.

Signed,

Unintentional Jerk